Cinderella’s Stepmother
In both Snow White and Cinderella stories, there is an ‘wicked woman.’ We don’t know much about their history. And neither has a ‘name’ like Snow White and Cinderella. I started pondering why they are labeled wicked. And what that says about us.
Let’s focus on the Cinderella story. This tale has been told repeatedly, in multiple movies starting with the Disney animated version. I looked up “Cinderella movies” on the internet — 20 movies or series. Whoa! It’s impactful in our culture and perspective as females and males.
I’m sharing the Cate Blanchett version of the Stepmother that she played in the movie where Lily James is Cinderella.
The Stepmother has married Cinderella’s father, who dies shortly after their marriage. It’s a second marriage for both of them, each with daughters. He was very much in love with his first wife, who also passed over. Then married not long after his wife’s death. So, not really much time to grieve.
It’s assumed the Stepmother had also lost her first husband to death since in those days, divorce wasn’t really a common thing, and she’s a single mother with two teenage daughters. Working to earn a living isn’t really part of her culture so ‘marrying into’ support and money is the only option from her viewpoint. That’s what women did who wanted to maintain a wealthy lifestyle.
We have two grieving people who connect and marry, most likely not for deep love, but for practical reasons. The Stepmother needs income and protection to support her daughters. Cinderella’s father, who also doesn’t have a name, travels for his work, he’s a ‘salesman’ for lack of a better term. And he needs care for his daughter in his absence. The Stepmother and her daughters move into his castle like home. It’s been home to Cinderella for her entire life.
It’s obvious how much he loves his daughter, who is alive and vibrant and feels very loved and supported by both her parents, and now especially her father. He does not have that same feeling for his second wife,the Stepmother.
So the Stepmother’s role isn’t really one of being cherished, honored and deeply loved. It’s a support role for her new husband’s life,with Cinderella thrust upon her. It appears to be a ‘marriage of convenience.’
Cinderella and the Stepmother don’t have much time to become familiar with each other before her father dies, nor do they develop deep respect or love as Stepmother and stepdaughter.
When he abandons them both through death, it’s possible she feels grief but we never see that side of her displayed. Rage is often very connected with grief. What we see is rage. I’m sure she is also petrified of how she is now responsible for the care of 3 girls, not just her own two daughters. One of them beautiful, unlike her daughters, and almost a stranger, add complications. I’ts suddenly a big challenge to manage, and completely unexpected or planned for.
The Stepmother’s ‘resource’ is suddenly gone. Her status immediately changes. How long can she live in this home, she probably wonders. What is the future going to bring? She is getting older. Who may want to marry a woman who has lost two husbands to death? Or maybe in that time period, it’s pretty common so that isn’t a big deal.
We don’t know what she is feeling and thinking because that is never added to the story line. The Stepmother has no permission to luxuriate in her feelings of fear and concerns about the future. Taking care of her children is primary, especially now that she again is alone to raise them.
Once again, a single mother. She can’t stop being a mother because her husband died. In fact, she has to ‘step it up’ because he died. It’s a lot of pressure. And she has to do her best with what she knows. It’s not like she was reading books on how to be a “good parent.”
In that culture, since girls didn’t work to support themselves, their lifestyle depended on who they married. That means a lot of competition with other females their age. Cinderella, the pretty and happy one, is more likely to be chosen over her daughters. Which also brings up an additional concern on the Stepmother’s part: if at least one of her daughters doesn’t marry, who is going to take care her? It’s expected, I assume, that if a daughter marries, the husband is expected to support the entire family.
None of this is brought forth. It’s all background. Maybe assumed. Maybe completely unconscious on the part of the people watching the movies, being reminded once again of the archetypes presented here.
Plus, the Stepmother is so jealous and threatened by Cinderella’s deep sense of loving herself and trusting herself, as she was raised to do. And doesn’t seem to have tools to access that part of her own internal landscape. It’s a difficult mirror to be faced with every day unless she makes a different choice.
In response, she chooses ‘false power’ by making Cinderella the target of her grief and rage. Doing the exact opposite of what her husband would have done with Cinderella, she banishes Cinderella from sight as much as possible, except when a subservient role is required. Wanting her to be ‘less visible’ and a reminder of what she doesn’t know how to access herself, the Stepmother shuns Cinderella, pushing away instead of learning from.
This is how she comes labeled as evil or wicked.
She rejects the beautiful happy maiden. She rejects her own self-love. She rejects her own self-sovereignty and pushes away any opportunity to become more self-loving. Her heart is closed off. And that is not an attractive trait.
The Stepmother uses ‘false charm’ in an attempt to persuade the King to choose one of her daughters for the Prince, as mothers would do if their survival is at stake.
What if the Stepmother had a good friend who let her cry and grieve? What if she knew she felt attracted to learning from Cinderella instead of making her wrong?
What if she knew that ‘real power’ instead of ‘false power’ would translate to having space for both of them to co-exist and support each other?
What if we rewrite this story as one where the entire family has permission to grieve the losses together, each for their own reasons? Wouldn’t that be something?
What we can take away from this is that The Stepmother could exist in all of us if we are up against survival without tools to help ourselves. Our ‘survival’ may not be about money. Maybe we are up against grief or deep sadness with no permission to express it, and have to ‘keep on chuggin’ no matter what.
Possibly we are up against grief about losing people in our lives, through distancing and not even death, because of the pandemic and yet we haven’t given ourselves permission to grieve the loss. Maybe we employ judgment, pushing somebody away who reminds of us of something we don’t see in ourselves, and employ false power to ‘get through’ a tough circumstance.
I’d love it we could take a deeper look at the Stepmother’s archetype of feeling grief, survival at stake and give her a break, not be so judgmental about her behavior. Maybe we could apply a little compassion! I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in some circumstance where we’ve had a lot to handle suddenly without the support that would make it easier. Let’s not call it wicked. Let’s call it what it is: grief.
Let’s change the projection on to the Stepmother as being wicked or evil. Let’s apply some compassion.
Pamelah Landers is an Expert Master Hand Analyst using mythology archetypes to give people permission to have their voice. Pamelah@PamelahLanders.com
